MTV has started a list of "Greatest Movie Badasses of All Time". The first one is Boba Fett. Coincidentally, Bill Simmons has an article today about being underrated. The basic premise is that with today's omnipresent internet buzz, no one can be truly underrated because no one slips under the radar anymore, and that the majority of the time, the person gets called underrated so often they become overrated. I think you can see where I'm going with this.The entire mythos of Boba Fett, the most egregious Star Wars fanboy circle-jerk in a community famous for its tireless dedication to circle-jerking, is based on what? Five things? The suit looked cool, he was a bounty hunter of few words, his action figure would sink and then float, he had some history of wanton "disintegrations", and he tailed Han Solo to Bespin. That's it.
The first three can't be debated, but neither are they enough to confer "Greatest Movie Badass" status. Greatest Star Wars action figure status, maybe, but that's not the debate before us today.
The last two: how good a bounty hunter is he if he is so renknowned for disintegrations that Darth Vader has to specifically warn him against it this time around? Sure, if you were hired as "Designated Disintegrator", but no, the job description of bounty hunter sort of presumes you bring them back alive - that's why it's a harder job than assassin. And the tailing? Okay, points for being patient, and intuitive enough to guess that Han Solo may have hidden the Milennium Falcon in the trash dump, but when you think of the definition of badass are the words "patient" and "intuitive" the first ones to leap to mind?
Han Solo is clearly the coolest motherfucker to ever wear a vest and cavalry pants, and the guy who captures him would clearly be a badass, but sorry MTV, Boba Fett isn't the guy. Boba Fett plays "follow that car" to Cloud City, then drops a dime to the Imperial Solo Finder Hotline, but it's the Sith Lord himself who actually snatches the scoundrel's scoundrel at his banquet of evil (with help of course from the traitorous Malt Liquor Man, but don't get me started on him). How in the name of the Dark Side does Boba Fett get ranked above Darth Vader on a Movie Badasses List in the first place?
Any consideration of Boba Fett as a Movie Badass has to begin and end with Empire. Every frame of film shot of Monsieur Fett since Empire has only served to make him ridiculous (making him a microcosm of the whole franchise, but again don't get me started - and don't think about bringing in Expanded Universe bullshit, Nerdy McCosplay - MTV's ground rule is movie badasses; nobody cares how cool Boba Fett was in a novel only you and your Bochi speaking friends have read.) Whatever cool Boba Fett might have exhibited in Empire is taken away ten-thousand-fold in every subsequent film. Boba Fett has a jet pack? Awesome! Jet pack only gets used when struck accidentally, careening him into Jabba's sail barge and thus into the dyspeptic maw of the Sarlacc (with a girlish yelp no less)? Oh. We're going to learn about Boba Fett's origins? Hey that sounds like an opportunity for some cinematic badassery! This is Boba Fett?
Hey, he looks pretty cool. Not as badass without the helmet, but... What do you mean it's the kid? The kid's Boba Fett? Oh, um, yeah. Okay. The kid's whiny and obnoxious and from New Zealand? Yeah, three words also not to be in found in the definition of badass.
Try again, MTV.
