Current mood:terrified
From the New York Times: "Two monkeys with tiny sensors in their brains have learned to control a mechanical arm with just their thoughts, using it to reach for and grab food and even to adjust for the size and stickiness of morsels when necessary, scientists reported on Wednesday.
The report, released online by the journal Nature, is the most striking demonstration to date of brain-machine interface technology. Scientists expect that technology will eventually allow people with spinal cord injuries and other paralyzing conditions to gain more control over their lives.
The findings suggest that brain-controlled prosthetics, while not practical, are at least technically within reach."This can't be good news. How can you make it all the way to researcher at Carnegie Mellon University without having seen either "Planet of the Apes" or the Terminator movies?
What could be worse than a monkey apocalypse where humans are enslaved or a bleak dystopia where robots rule the world?
FUCKING MONKEY ROBOTS, THAT'S WHAT!!!
And Charlton Heston is dead now, so who's going to free us from our mechanical primate bondage? Practice saying it together folks...
"Get your robot hands off me, you damn dirty apes!"
We can only hope the monkeys rebel against their masters before the inevitable RobotMonkeyalypse.
And if they breed, and there are suddenly an infinite number of Robot Monkeys? Oh, the bittersweet irony of reams of new Shakespeare plays zipping out of robot typewriters as Man's last fretting and strutting upon the stage comes to its horrific, screaming end.
Previous installments of Monkeys in the News:
Glow in the Dark Monkeys
I Have Monkeys in My Pants
1 comment:
Christ on toast, this is like being a chapter away from finishing your book when you see a book on the best seller's list with the exact same premise. I shite you not, I'm a Snickers Fun Size bag away from completing this exact same experiment using an Armatron and a lesser Baldwin.
Post a Comment