How do you cut a Ham Sandwich three ways?

This week is just about the most drab collection of lifeless lunchmeats to ever grace the Ham Sandwich Report. Okay, so this is only the second week of the blog, but it sounds more dramatic that way. And it certainly is the least exciting slate of films this Winter Ham Sandwich Season.

Our first anemic contender is the bloody yet bloodless Prom Night. Horror's can't-miss streak has come to a (pardon the pun) screeching halt. And horror remakes have fared even worse. Variety has evidently taken the week off from making actual predictions, and rather boredly calls for something "in the mid-high teens." The LA Times is placing a lot of faith in its tracking of teen girls (something my parole officer says is explicitly off-limits) and predicts $18 - $20 million. Can you really place that much confidence in the plans of teenage girls? Is there a more mercurial group? I say no, and place my chips firmly on $13 million, - make sure to bring your own apple or Little Debbie Square, we've got another Lunchables.

Fox Searchlight is trying to push Street Kings as a gritty, hard-edged combination of New Jack City and Colors. The high-water mark would have to be David Ayers' personal best, Training Day's opening of $20 million. But Training Day had Denzel Washington's bravura, King Kong scenery chomping, Oscar-winning performance. Street Kings has Keanu Reeves. Umm, whoa? The LA Times calls for $10 - $12 million. Variety waves a sleepy, dismissive hand at "not much more than Prom Night" and promptly resumes its nap. I'm feeling pessimistic and call for the low end of that spectrum, $10 million, not even a lunchable, maybe a past its expiration date Slim Jim and three strips of String Cheese.

The remaining morsels, the odd olive, baby gherkin or limp leaf of iceberg lettuce will be snapped up by the holdovers. All in all, if you walked into a party and saw this lame tray of cold cuts, you'd walk right back out the door. Maybe the LA Times has the right idea, I'm going to sleep. The tally:

Prom Night:
Client #9: $12 million
Me: $13 million
The LA Times: $18 - $20 million
Variety: "the mid-high teens" *yawns*

Street Kings:
Client #9: $12 million
Me: $10 million
The LA Times: $18 - $20 million
Variety: "just let me sleep five more minutes, 'kay?"